I’m a sucker for a romance movie or book and it’s mainly because I’m a hopeless romantic. I’m one of those people that replays a love song on a sunny day with a slight breeze romanticizing my life and what it could be. I remember the very first time I watched the Notebook. It was a sunny day after work and I came home early, wanting to enjoy my free time. I looked up romantic movies to watch because there’s something about cheesy, White couples, falling in love that gets me. I’m usually someone who enjoys more queer movies but clearly we don’t have enough good ones that don’t just fall into a societal stereotype so I settle.

The Notebook is about two people who meet at a carnival. The guy approaches the girl and the girl clearly does not want to be with him. Same old same old. Eventually, this story doesn’t seem like the rest because its a lot of foreshadowing. Kind of like in the Titanic where the older lady starts off the movie. It’s one of my favorite storylines, although it follows a predictable structure it’s just classic. It represents love in every way possible. The immediate crush you can have after seeing someone, or yearning for someone’s love, a summer LOVE, non-accepting parents, letting go, your first time, and the list goes on.

Love is shown in so many ways in this movie; friendship, family, romantic relationships. Which all have one common, that love is easy. Life isn’t but loving someone is so easy in this story. The boy writes 365 letters to the girl after she moved away but her mother would throw them out because he was not a wealthy man. She believed that he wouldn’t give her daughter the lifestyle she truly needed and deserve.. maybe affording that lifestyle in general. But, after the boy became a man, after serving in the military, watching his best friend die, he became something more. He loved life a little more. It sucked and he was hurt, but he still smiled. He came back home to his father and lost him too… But he still lived! He built the house for the woman that he loved because he said he would, so he did.

Allie.. She met a man that was young, fine, and wealthy. She was engaged and wedding shopping when she saw a picture of her first love and the home she described to him to build for her.

This is more than a love story. It’s commitment. Trying again and again until you both. get it right. Not being afraid to fail each other. And remembering all the time you spent with your partner on this Earth.

They died in each other’s arms at the end. Cheesy but so good.

I prepared for my in class essay by going back into the text and highlighting the quotes that sparked the most conversation in my head, and the classroom. The day of the in class essay, I sat down and reviewed my notes and honestly, answered all the prompt questions. I wanted to be prepared for any answer that I was prepared to give during class. I liked all the questions a lot and had so many things to say. So, when it was time to actually write, I was ready to write anything. I tried my best to familiarize myself with every reading although we were given the option to choose whichever story we wanted.

For our group discussion, we made a group chat and someone shared it, so we could all keep in touch. We shared a google doc and made sure we all asked different questions and if we had similar questions, we would have to change it. It was helpful to have the shared doc so I knew what questions to add in and which ones were already there to give all my classmates credit for their work.

The actual in-class essay went really well. I do think I wrote way more than what I initially wanted to write but it’s okay. I like how well my writing flew, at least in the moment, while I was re-reading. I did find myself stuck in the second and third paragraph. I thought I was repeating myself too much and maybe I did? But, I tried to look back into my notes to add different points and perspectives.

For the future in class essays (that I’m already dreading) I hope to brainstorm a lot more. I feel like although we had those discussions in class and I had notes of what was said, I was more involved in speaking during those discussions so… I totally forgot to continue writing! It’s important for me to sit back and listen before I speak because it would’ve helped my thought process to write down things my classmates said during my group’s discussion.

Regarding my essay, I have not looked at it since it was submitted last week. Honestly, I’m kind of scared to look at it but I probably should. I want to have more of a structure to clearly get my points across because at some point I felt like I was rambling.

LASTLY 😀

It was really fun to lead a discussion in class and hear my classmates perspectives on these complicated stories. I enjoyed being up there and even when it went quiet I just wanted to say so much more. Hopefully we get to do that again and if not, I will be prepared to do so for my future courses.

I def just saw how you said not to list the answers </3 IM SORRY 🙁

This is how I feel about this in class essay and the semester? Even though its not over. I really want it to be overrrr

Eight bites was a hard read for me because I personally have an eating disorder. When I was younger, I wouldn’t eat much and I was fixated with being really thin. Then, growing up I would compare myself to my mother and her sisters. Their bodies with more curves than mine, hips that looked elegant and beautiful, something I thought I never had. So, eight bites, the way Machado explored this character, was beautiful but traumatizing. Because when will our bodies ever be enough for us? Why do we let these images of the perfect body get to us? Why don’t we love ourselves enough? What is it that we can’t see? Again, many questions, that I know many answers to. But, it’s all insecurity. It’s easy to make a woman insecure and that sounds disgusting, but as nasty as that sentence is… it’s real. Especially nowadays, with trends on social media, feeling insecure is so easy when everyone has so many expectations of what you should look like. And if you have it near you, within your circle, it’s even harder.

“I could not make eight bites work for my body and so I would make my body work for eight bites”.

One of the most pure and heartbreaking lines I’ve ever read. Even when her daughter was yelling at her in frustration, you can hear that it was from a place of love, care and concern. She just wanted her mother to love herself. But, it’s hard to love one’s self. When you have sisters who support said eating habits, you grow up eating the way your mother did, and you adjust to that lifetsyle.. . it’s difficult to grow out of it. I loved this writing though. We often bring ourselves down to society’s expectations of us and lose ourselves along the way. And sometimes by the time we realize what we’ve done to ourselves, the most damage we’ve created is non-reversible. “I’m sorry,” I will repeat. “I didn’t know.”

Most of the time we don’t know or we do but we hide it so deep within our minds because we believe that’s what best. I thought her daughter was trying to dig her out of a whole, but her mother’s regrets, guilt, hurt her more than anything. Begging for her mother to love herself, love HER, and not go through with the surgery was too much to bear. Hurt people hurt people and sometimes it’s too late too look back and fix it. She ruined herself, her identity, her body, her relationship with her daughter, but she thought it would make her happier. And I don’t know if it truly satisfied her. Deep down I think she knew it was wrong. But, we still do the things we know aren’ good for us. It’s human nature.

Op-Ed’s don’t seem like difficult essays at first but it requires so much time and patience to gather your own thoughts into 700+ words. At first, my essay was going to be about Donald Trump because he’s been a menace to society lately, and I have so many things to say about him. I wrote a draft of my ideas and thoughts… opinions and biases. I didn’t outline per say but I did know the points I wanted to hit. I decided to write my essay about how society is divided by the problems we have. This was a conversation that sparked up between my ex & me after we were yapping about our friends boyfriend, who we found out supported some of Trump policies. We spoke about how as a society, we always pick and choose what we want to support, follow trends, and don’t educate ourselves well enough before we put our efforts into one’s ideas and motives. It was a convo that lasted until 3 am and that’s when I decided that it really pissed me off when people chose to follow a social movement for views… and maybe I should get it off my chest and write about it for my humanities class! LOL.

I mainly like my message in my op-ed. It’s clear. We need to come together, f social media, and be real with each other! I do feel like I rushed this essay. Got some feedback, fixed it, didn’t really look at it again and let it sit. But, I do that with my writing. Once it’s all said and done, it should be over? At least to me. I also enjoyed our peer workshop and feedback. One of my classmates didn’t hold back and I LOVED THAT! Because I need all the critic possible to make me a better writer. She was digging deep into my points and still gave me positives. All my opportunities made me realize that I should be more organized with my writing though. A simple outline can gather all my main points. I changed my thesis after my peer reviews because I didn’t have a clear one. I had written a very vague sentence that did not show the reader what I was going to be talking about. It felt like more of a conversation, which is okay in an Op-Ed, but it’s like I was trying to tell

Moving forward, I want to really type my life away before writing a formal essay. I want to see all my thoughts clearly and every opinion written down because I can always use so much more in my writing but I limit myself. I limit what I am going to say or what evidence I should use because I doubt myself. I doubt how good of a writer I am and how much better I can be. But, that’s because academically I think I will always fail. Which is something I personal need to work on. I just know that I could have expanded some points and used more evidence in a more strategic way.

Everything Machado writes makes me intrigued in who she is as a person and why she tells these stories. Throughout these past couple of chapters, I’ve noticed she speaks differently about her sexual experiences with women. Although, some are bad, or good, whatever the case may be, it’s different. So, why does Machado portray her characters relationships with women different? What does this mean about her personal experiences? Are her characters more connected to women? What does it mean to be in love with a women and what is the difference when you are queer? These are some questions I know the answers to because I am apart of the queer community and have experienced relationships with men & women.

Machado starts off this chapter talking about the characters’ job and how they work in this clothing store, and naturally jumps into women disappearing. While the story talks about the sadness beneath women disappearing and the unknown of it all, the main characters relationship with Petra, shows something that evolves beneath the wonders of the world. I assumed that they were both disappearing but Petra’s body was fading more quickly. Although this was the case, they kept connecting through sexual intimacy. They felt each other even if much of their body wasn’t there. So, does this show the importance of her queer relationships? Because when she speaks about men, and how men speak about women, there’s not much intimacy that seems appropriate to express that that’s what loves is. Even in her previous chapters, Machado shows interests in writing about men, the dominance she desires, but where is the real love?

It makes me question, is there a love story beneath these experiences? There’s many questions that I genuinely have for this author but I love when writing makes my brain going. Love is such a complicated topic because love can be many things. Toxic or healthy, real or fake, love can be experiences we have and may never want again. But, in real women have bodies, I saw a love story that connected two women together despite them fading from the world. The world has brought us down time and time again. We have been taught that our bodies will never be enough no matter how many times we change it. But, in this story, the relationship portrayed what love can be. What love should be…

This is what I imagined reading this. Two people somewhere they may never enjoy each other outside of this place, but still do. Chaos around them, confusion, but love guides them through it all. I love queer stories. They make me a hopeless romantic.

Reading the very first chapter of Her Body and Other Parties had me questioning and feeling many things. At first, I was uncomfortable with the consistent expression of sex because it’s not often a topic I read about. But, Machado is so vulnerable, open, and herself throughout her sexual experiences. She seems like a writer who is confident with self reassurance of what the writing could and should be. She’s specific. She added notes for us to read HER story the way SHE wants it to be read. I think she does this because this is hers, like her ribbon. It’s not like we can’t have opinions of her story and I think she knows that as a writer. But, she also writes this story in a way for us to get to know the real her. I was stuck at the sex parts because I questioned what she wanted us to do with that. What are we taking away as readers? What story is she telling me and why is it important for her to express herself using these specific words?

Her vulnerability and honesty shows me how hurt she was when her walls were broken down by her husband. She was intimate with him and they gave each other everything. From the very beginning she knew she wanted this man in every way possible. It’s kind of like a craving? As the story progressed, I saw how her husband’s craving to know every single part of her grew stronger. He wanted no secrets between them and she just wanted to keep some personal things close to herself. Which makes me question how far do we have to go to break our own walls for the sake of others? Why couldn’t he just let it go? Why couldn’t he let her keep that piece of herself? Taking me back to the sex because they gave each other everything they had to offer at a very young age. She married him and had his child, but the walls of her body, her blood, and heart didn’t seem like enough to him? Is that love? She reassures the audience that her husband isn’t a bad man though. I believe her. Love hurts. I keep going back to the sexual experiences she encounters with her husband and it’s beautiful how she describes it. She’s free and she’s enjoying herself and that’s okay to feel. In today’s society sex is such a weird topic to bring up because it has so many different connotations around it.

I’m trying to explore many questions and dig deeper into her story. I want to know more about the husband but I think back, and Machado didn’t add much of his personality there. She didn’t tell us anything real about his character and I think it’s because this story should be a selfish one. One that describes her, her love, to her lover and son, and what the world has shown her. The world has broken into her walls…

I have a thousand questions about this green ribbon and more of Machado’s reasoning behind this story. But, I know she’s a specific writer. Questions are meant to arise during her stories because that’s what she intended. I don’t think she wrote to be understood or receive the feedback. I think writing truly freed her and she’s expressing her experiences that maybe silenced her, made her feel lonely, confused her, etc. Maybe like how she felt at the end of this chapter, lonelier than ever, even when her husband was sleeping next to her.

This is the vibe this writing gave me. I imagined someone just sitting in a relaxing setting and writing their life story at the beach in lines between the sand and water.

First essay of the semester and I feel like I bombed it. HAHA. For our community essay, I decided to speak about being Christian and gay. I just cut off my two best friends for being homophobic towards me, so I thought that this would be an appropriate time to write some thoughts down. Honestly, I was stuck of how to start this essay. Writing always comes naturally to me after the first paragraph. I started by writing down ideas of how I could start this conversation and what would get my reader to read this. Not only read but care about me, my experiences, and my feelings. Throwing out random sentences and looking back at text messages between my friendship breakup sparked most of my writing in this essay.

Honestly, I like my essay a lot. Maybe 6/10. I know that I could write so much more, chop it, and make it better. Also, using more of the writing strategies in the Turabian would be helpful for this essay. But, I knew I had a word limit so I had to get my point across quickly and clearly. I enjoyed reading what I crafted out loud and I felt connected to a version of myself, who is so afraid of rejection, and judgement. Writing has always given me a space to express even when I’m unclear. It helps me digest all my feelings, thoughts, and opinions. I felt better after writing this and that’s what I like about this piece.

Moving forward, I would like to throw up on paper as much as humanly possible. I have so so so many ideas, but I stick to one thing. Honestly, it’s alright to be specific and straightforward, but when I’m passionate… I want people to hear me. I want to make my voice clearer and my experiences louder. You might think I want the reverse but every time I write and read my piece over, I stumble. I have a thousand questions left that my reader might also have. I want to be certain of what I’m writing.

The thing is that a part of me wants to be left with questions and correct answers. Get the brain juices flowing and keep the reader guessing is what I strive for. I also strive for that myself because there’s always more to our thoughts. We are never finished. I read my essay to my girlfriend and she kept asking “What else?”, but there’s so much else? LOL. I have to say so much more of this topic and I want to know when stopping is enough for me AND the reader. Because I keep going forever if I had to, well, if I wanted to.

Overall, I liked this piece I created about being Christian and gay. I do wish to be more strategic and go over my piece more often. I am a critical writer so I change many things when I write OR sometimes I write in one full sitting and never go back. I did write my ideas but right after, I sat for 30 minutes and wrote. That’s what this essay was. A couple tweaks and reads from my friends. After, it was done to me. But, is it? What do I still need to work on? Is my reader interested? Do they connect to what I have to say or even care?

I guess we’ll know soon.

Me after reading my essay for the millionth time to make sure it sounds okay…

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