First essay of the semester and I feel like I bombed it. HAHA. For our community essay, I decided to speak about being Christian and gay. I just cut off my two best friends for being homophobic towards me, so I thought that this would be an appropriate time to write some thoughts down. Honestly, I was stuck of how to start this essay. Writing always comes naturally to me after the first paragraph. I started by writing down ideas of how I could start this conversation and what would get my reader to read this. Not only read but care about me, my experiences, and my feelings. Throwing out random sentences and looking back at text messages between my friendship breakup sparked most of my writing in this essay.

Honestly, I like my essay a lot. Maybe 6/10. I know that I could write so much more, chop it, and make it better. Also, using more of the writing strategies in the Turabian would be helpful for this essay. But, I knew I had a word limit so I had to get my point across quickly and clearly. I enjoyed reading what I crafted out loud and I felt connected to a version of myself, who is so afraid of rejection, and judgement. Writing has always given me a space to express even when I’m unclear. It helps me digest all my feelings, thoughts, and opinions. I felt better after writing this and that’s what I like about this piece.

Moving forward, I would like to throw up on paper as much as humanly possible. I have so so so many ideas, but I stick to one thing. Honestly, it’s alright to be specific and straightforward, but when I’m passionate… I want people to hear me. I want to make my voice clearer and my experiences louder. You might think I want the reverse but every time I write and read my piece over, I stumble. I have a thousand questions left that my reader might also have. I want to be certain of what I’m writing.

The thing is that a part of me wants to be left with questions and correct answers. Get the brain juices flowing and keep the reader guessing is what I strive for. I also strive for that myself because there’s always more to our thoughts. We are never finished. I read my essay to my girlfriend and she kept asking “What else?”, but there’s so much else? LOL. I have to say so much more of this topic and I want to know when stopping is enough for me AND the reader. Because I keep going forever if I had to, well, if I wanted to.

Overall, I liked this piece I created about being Christian and gay. I do wish to be more strategic and go over my piece more often. I am a critical writer so I change many things when I write OR sometimes I write in one full sitting and never go back. I did write my ideas but right after, I sat for 30 minutes and wrote. That’s what this essay was. A couple tweaks and reads from my friends. After, it was done to me. But, is it? What do I still need to work on? Is my reader interested? Do they connect to what I have to say or even care?

I guess we’ll know soon.

Me after reading my essay for the millionth time to make sure it sounds okay…